Let Love Go

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Have you ever been in a position where you’re the one who has to make the choice of breaking something you don’t want to? Yes? No? Well I have.

After nearly three years of being together, I have made the hardest choice ever of letting someone I truly love go. They’re right when they say ‘love is blind’, but maybe it’s more denial than being blind. Maybe, just maybe,  you refuse to realise the bad things that has been there this whole time. Maybe, just maybe, you wish this person was your one and only so you ignore all the bad for the sake of love. However, it doesn’t work that way. Well it shouldn’t anyways for your sake.

Everyone deserves love, this is true! But they deserve that type of love that you can just fully immerse yourself in and not feel a single hint of doubt. You deserve those type of love where if you’ve been hurt, you know you have someone to be there to lick all the wounds. Relationships are hard, there’s no doubt about that and ye, sometimes you just have to work through it all. But, sometimes, and these are probably just the rare ones, maybe two people were meant to fall in love but just not stay together.

Last weekend I finally had to bid my goodbyes because finally, I realise my own worth and to be in a relationship where your worth is questioned is something I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Remember, love to the fullest, but always remember that you as an individual mean something, so never let anyone enter your life and eliminate that light within you. They may love you, but if you’re being treated in a way that puts you out in the dark, then stop, breathe and slow walk away from that darkness. You deserve that light, you deserve that happiness, so don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t give you that security and warmth that we all crave.

Love takes time, so maybe isn’t now for you, but sooner or later you will find your other half of the puzzle.

Dear Customers,

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I’ll start this by saying, that no, you’re NOT always right.

So I’m a bartender in Central London. It’s a great bar, busy and some friendly people come in. But there are some who are just so down right difficult and it makes me question who raised them.

Yesterday was the most frustrating close I’ve ever had to encounter. Every bar has a system right? Like when to start packing things away, when to start cleaning, all of which leads up to closing which has a time. Our bar has three levels, the terrace, the main bar and the cellar bar. In order to maintain order, we close both the terrace and cellar bar at 10pm in order to give us time to clean it as we close the whole bar at 11pm.

We’re always busy on a Friday, both the bar and the cellar bar was packed. At 10pm I had the task to chase them all to the main bar just because its procedure; and here’s is where the drunk, obnoxious, rude and arrogant customers step in and try to disturb our process.

“Why you kicking us out so early?”- not kicking you out, just moving you all to the main bar.

“We spend money here, we give you business”- ye, that’s fair enough but what can I do but follow procedure?

“You’re only doing this so you can close early and go home”- half true, but no, its so when you all leave here, we don’t have to struggle to clean the mess you all leave behind.

I don’t know where some customers get this mentality that just because they spend money at a certain place, they think we then owe them something, apart from great customer service that is. But it’s like, come on guys, why so arrogant? What makes you think you can enforce your customer status and mistreat the workers? Don’t you feel bad about your behaviour? I tried my best being nice and just keep going, yet these people just kept putting up a fight and refusing to leave.

You know, being a decent human being is being respectful of everyone, no matter who they are, no matter their job, no matter what, it’s just respecting them for trying to do something with themselves for a living. You shouting “We’re gonna give you a bad review on YELP” just because we were trying to do our job as nice as we could (even though y’all didn’t deserve it) doesn’t help any situation.

Yes, the saying “the customer is always right” may be correct, but it doesn’t stretch that far. Sometimes you’re wrong, sometimes you have to listen, sometimes you even have to humble  yourself in order to see the person trying his best to do his job. It’s not hard to be respectful, well maybe it is in this day and age. However, just think about your actions before going through with it. We like y’all for bringing us business, but as much as we’re trying to keep a hundred other people happy, you gotta be understanding of our situation and respect out process.

Any-who, that is all I have to say. Be kind. Be Humble; but most of all, be respectful.

My Rules of Attraction

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Have you ever had a moment where you find yourself attracted to a person and then you start to question ‘why?’, but you just can’t seem to put your finger on it? Ye, me too. But then at one point it just all clicks with you.I’m gonna share it with you my top 5, from most important to least.

  1. Humour

I know to say this is a bit generic, however I don’t mean humour as in “give me as many jokes you can”, I’m talking about that intellectual humour. That humour where the wit is so good, you go back home still laughing about how clever it all was. I can’t be having any pranksters or those who try too hard for a laugh,no sirree, that’s too tiring for me. I want me some clever wit, well constructed and thought through quick, so good that it provides a laugh that puts me on pause to also enjoy that smile on your face.

2. Manners 

This actually goes hand-in-hand with humour. One thing I detest the most, is bad manners. I cringe at those who do not recognise their own behaviours and ill-manners. I’m not asking you to provide me with good manners, no! I’m asking for kindness and consideration to those around you. If you’re the type to don’t say “please” or “thank you”, then let me teach you by saying “THANK YOU for your interest, but PLEASE invest your time in learning what acceptable behaviour looks like.

3. Love for Family & Friends

I always say, the way a person treats those close to them is how they’ll treat you as a partner. This may not always be true depending on the upbringing I guess. Like, they may have really crappy parents, so it makes sense to have that statement proved otherwise. But I do find it attractive for someone to adore those close to them. To speak kindly of them, appreciate them and at the same time have me be so involved. I’m a family kind of guy, so if you have respect for these things, then hello, the church is down the road, marry me?

4. Passion

This can be for anything. I just find it amazing for someone to have something set and just fight for it. I mean, passion in the bed room yes, but I’d let you explore the whole house if you have a dream you truly love and are working towards it. You cam be passionate about making a difference in the world, you can have a passion about the arts,  you can even have a passion for collecting little collectable items to look good in your living room. If you have something you can’t wait to talk to me about just because you’re just so excited about the whole thing, then I’ll be sitting hear waiting to hear them all whilst counting the twinkles in your eyes.

5. Appreciation of Life

This one here I feel people forget to find in people. Sometimes finding a partner is all about looks, financial and social security, but we miss out on the small things that can make you both better. I die at the sound of people who just constantly complains about the small things: “my day was sh*t, the printer didn’t work… Carlos was talking about his cat again… the tube was way too busy”. These sort of people slowly kill the happiness within me. But if you get me someone who can provide enough positivity for the both of us, then hello Mr.Disney, you can run my world for me. Just think about it, a person who when you’re having a crap day, can come and just lift you up just by absorbing their aura. *inhales deeply* ahhhh.

These are the things I find attractive. It’s usually character based. Looks to me aren’t really important, they’re more of an extra bonus I guess.It’s like a book, don’t matter how pretty the front cover looks, if the story it tells is about as interesting as watching a snail cross the road, then I’m sorry, you won’t see me go pass the introduction. Superficial attraction never lasts long, but fall in love with a good story, then you’re set for life.

 

It’s the Small Things

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It’s funny how so many of us complain about the ‘bad’ things that we come across; how ‘unfair’ life has been, how nothing just seems to be going your way, how no matter how hard you try, you still don’t receive even half its reward. Ye, sure, it sucks, I myself should know because lately life hasn’t been dealing me the best of cards.

As I sit in my underwear just thinking about how my life is looking at the moment, I wonder what it would be like if ever one thing went right. Would I still be the same person? Would I be doing something different? Would I have met the people that I’ve met? And that’s when it hit me. I don’t want to regret meeting the people I have met. I don’t want to take back the fun memories I have shared with these people, the events, the laughs, the deep conversations. Who would I be without them?

Sometimes we complain about life, and sure, it’s OK to do so I guess. I mean who wants to wait six years to receive a degree he’s already finished right? Not me that’s for sure. Anyways, back to me pondering. I now am more aware of the little things that have gotten me through all these ‘trials’ as I call it. My family who for some reason I can never shake off because no matter how much I mess up, they just seem to be there loving me. My friends, who even in a different country, still manage to message and virtually slap me with some senses. The new friends, who after a small time of knowing them, have already known enough to know that they were meant to be in my journey.

My heart ache and general pain towards my life have also led me to notice the little things that makes me smile. Even with a heartbreak in the back of my mind (or heart even), I still find the elderly couple sharing funny pet videos on the train adorable. Even with struggling to find an ‘adult’ job, I’m enjoying my time as a bartender, talking to customers and just being in that social environment. Even with wishing some good news would come my way, I am enjoying this moment of my life, where I am learning more about myself and how appreciating the small things can go a long way.

So, yes, maybe you do deserve life to be kinder to you. But if you think it’s still being a bit rough on you, just think, a diamond is never at its perfect shape without some major friction; so just consider these little rough moments as life’s friction to turn you into that engagement-type-diamond where at the end, people can show you off. Just be patient, let life go through its process with you, till then, appreciate the little things. It makes the journey more bearable that way.

A Little Thing Called ‘Love’

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It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Love! No one can ever prepare you for the complexities of love. You can watch all the rom-coms in the world, sit through every drama, play and poetry that has ever spelled out love, every song that hummed its melody, but experience is something completely different.

I was always told to “always be yourself!“, “never let anyone change you“, “if your other half doesn’t love you for who you are, then they aren’t the one“. But how far do we believe that throughout a relationship a person never changes? That not once do they alter their behaviour and personality in order to please their other half? Is that even a REAL relationship? And how come there are so many things to check off on the ‘checklist list of love’.

  • Trust
  • Communication
  • Interest in each other’s interest
  • Compliments
  • Expression of Love
  • Expression of Happiness
  • Any positive expression whatsoever to confirm that your relationship was meant to be.

But then the deeper you go in, the more list you make for yourself:

  • Don’t interrupt him when his busy with work
  • Don’t swear, he doesn’t like it
  • Do tell him you’re upset if he’s stressed from work
  • Stop bringing up that guy who came and asked for his number. It was “nothing”.

Then you realise that you have made so many compromises that you no longer even recognise yourself. Your personal checklist then comes into conflict with the general checklist. Trust is no more, communication begins to decrease and all the rest that follows just seem to crumble, so you sit alone in a corner and then realise ‘maybe this was not meant to be‘ and then after a week away you decided to end it.

A new era has begun. You now have this independent mindset where you decide to finally do things for yourself from now on. You go watch that animation he didn’t want to go with you to. You went to that dance class he once pest you about because it ran on too late. You took walks on your own without having someone texting you “where the f*ck are you?”. You tell yourself that you’re enjoying your new found freedom, but then you come home. You lie on your bed and then for some reason your single bed somehow feels like a quadruple king size bed, ‘how come I have all this space to myself?‘.

Six months on your own you begin to hate doing the things you love. You wish you still had someone to go watch a movie with, to watch you dance, to take those walks with you and just talk about life. And as you think these thoughts, your ex pops up with a text saying “I miss you”, and all over it begins.

How can one really know what to do in love without hitting some bumps? But how many bumps is too much or enough to find that perfect balance? People always learn from their mistakes, this is true. But do I have to make several mistakes with different people to find the one? Or can I just make several mistakes in this one relationship till we both find that place we’ve both been craving? I myself don’t know. I mean, I’m only 23. But parts of me have grown enough to know how to deal with these questions, unfortunately my experience is different to yours, so I can’t tell you how to fix it, you’re gonna have to do that yourself. But one thing I know we must all do, is be true to your emotions, be true to yourself really. Yes change is a good thing, but not too much that you’re unrecognisable.

Funny isn’t it? This little thing called ‘Love‘!

Say When-“Laggies”

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Chloe Moretz, left, and Keira Knightley in a scene from the motion picture “Laggies.” CREDIT: Barbara Kinney, A24 [Via MerlinFTP Drop]

Sometimes I watch a movie where after it ends it sits on me, like a heavy thought just waiting to be shared. However, I don’t have anyone around me to share that thought with, so here I am with you, my fellow readers.

This here (as seen from the title) is a movie called “Say When“. It’s a romantic comedy good enough for a Sunday evening. Starring Keira Knightley and Chloe Grace Moretz, this movie follows a woman who for so long have let the world decide for her since her senior prom that when her school sweetheart decides to finally pop the question, she decides to run away for a week and stay with a sixteen year old girl who became her friend after buying her and her friend’s some alcohol. Yes, a lady in her late twenties had a sleep over with a sixteen year old girl. It does sound weird, but I don’t want to ruin the film, so I’ll let you see it for yourself.

The main reason for me talking about this film, is because I’m at a stage where the theme of it all was too relatable that I just had to talk about it. In life, we reach a point where we really have to make some hard choices in life, whether it be breaking off a very toxic relationship, finding your purpose in the world or even just to think of what to do that could be really good for you. Growing up it was always stressed to have some sort of “plan”. What will you be doing in five years time Mr.T? And yes, you may have a plan. But as times change, you realise that you too change with it. The version of you now no longer recognises the version of you then, so then the next question is asked, What do I do next? 

It is always unknown.

I guess it’s always good to have a plan, but if you’re someone like me, then having a plan at all might not be your things. Sometimes you just have to go with it. Sometimes it’s not the destination that matters, but the journey. Sometimes it’s tasting all the candy in the candy shop to realise which is your favourite. But this requires patience. It may take a long time for some or it might happen just like that *snaps fingers*, either way, exploring options to find something suited for you is something you might have to consider. I don’t want to be a cliche and say ‘do what makes you happy’, but sometimes, that’s just what you have to consider. What is good for me? What can make ME better? These are the question you have to ask yourself to really find yourself. You may have tried a lot of things and still they’re not working out, well guess what? That just means you’re getting closer to what you’re suppose to be doing. Like box of pick ‘n’ mix, where you eat your way through the nasty candies to finally get to the bottom and see your favourite candy waiting for you to embrace them.

They say life is short, but you are given enough time to see your purpose in this world. Take your time to find it, it’s the only time where being selfish is acceptable in my eyes. Then once you’ve find it, live it to your fullest. Your time will come my friend! Your time will come. So be patient, go explore and experiment, and when it’s all done hi5 yourself when you’ve reached your own destination.