Why Mo’ana should be your daughter’s feminist icon!

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YAY! After finally using my 3 year old nephew as an excuse to go watch Mo’ana, I have finally ruled Mo’ana as THE best feminist icon amongst the Princesses of Disney; and yes, your daughter should look up to her as an aspiring independent woman. “Why?” you may ask, well sit tightly because I’m about to give you at least 5 reasons on why she should be the home-girl to your children.

  1. She decides what her future holds

With her tradition and culture on the line, there were some social obligations that she had to abide to. Although these were something important, she did feel she was made for something different. So without any disrespect, she decided to pursue the dream within her. Your children were made for something great, but the word ‘great’ will mean something different for each kid. As long as they’re doing what makes them happy, they will be doing that ‘great’ thing they were made for.

2. No damsel in distress over here

Instead of the usual, prince saves princess, Mo’ana upped it a notch by saving a demi-god, A DEMI-GOD!! Like hello, who is Prince Charming even? A young girl who was off on an adventure to save her island and culture comes to meet a demi-god low in self-esteem and manages to help him realise his own potential without the acceptance from others.

3. Self-taught canoe sailor

Name me a princess that was able to find a canoe and teach herself how to sail across aggressive oceans with a confused chicken as comfort? Hmm? No one? Well there you go. Your child should be inspired by her initiative. No need for them to wait and learn something they want to learn from someone else, when they themselves can go out into the world and learn it for themselves. Life is like that, so, do it for you kids!!!

4. Never a giver upper

There was a scene where Maui, the demi-god, wanted to give up simply because his magic hook was close to being broken. As she nearly came to giving up herself, the spirit of her grandmother pushed her to continue without the help of a demi-god. A young, female human took on the challenge to fight against the demon of the earth without any help. If her perseverance doesn’t spark something in your child, then shake them a bit, maybe they’re broken.

5. ” I am Moana of Motusi. You will board my boat and restore the heart to Tafiti

Mo’ana had one job, to find Maui, get him on her boat, and save her island; OK, maybe more than one. So on the first instance of meeting Maui, she was on the ball on what she came to do. No faffing about, no distractions, she got to the point. Don’t let your daughter be the passive woman everyone expects her to be. Lets her demand what she wants and get it, within good reason of course.

So ye, these are my reasons on why she beats all the other Princesses of Disney. They’re all pretty and that, but none of them sailed across the ocean, fought coconuts, and calmed a demon all in barefoot. Take your kids to go watch it, yes, both sons and daughters, let them singalong, let them laugh but most importantly, let them board the boat of Mo’ana of Motunui and learn something about restoring their hearts.

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Dear Selective Feminist…

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The other day on my commute back from work, I overheard two ladies in their mid-twenties talking about the progression of women in this day and age. So the conversation kind of went like this:

Woman 1 : Even though a lot has happened for women, I still don’t understand why we’re still considered inferior to men

Woman 2: Exactly! We’re just as strong as them. Just as smart, or even smarter

*Small Laughter*

They then continue to profess that “I am like, a big feminist”

Like.. ok then!

After a short while of talking and standing, woman 2 then starts to grow tired.

Woman 2: I can’t believe that all these men are sitting whilst women like me have to stand. It’s disgusting. What happened to being gentlemen? I missed how men treated women back in the days. They were more courteous. They were more classier too. I mean, I’m in heels, standing! And these men are just sitting down! How DISGUSTING!!!!

Throughout their rant, I did agree with their notions of gender equality. I myself consider myself a feminist. But I draw the line where people who call themselves feminist go back on themselves and pick and choose on which part of gender equality is more convenient to them. Dear female on my train, if you were well and able enough to go out in heels, get intoxicated and do all that you did, don’t ever come back and complain about “unfair” that no men offered you their seat. Since you’ve proudly announce your alliance to feminism, don’t fall back on it by complaining that your feet hurts because your heels were too high.

You as a woman have decided to wear what you wore out of choice. You have decided to go out on a night out and get drunk out of choice. You have explored all your choices as a woman in one night well enough to be able to withstand the pain of standing for a couple of stops.

No man offered you their seats, so what? You were strong enough to dance in them heels all night, suck it up!! Don’t pick and choose on when you want to be a feminist, because some women don’t have that ability. Some women are trapped at home out of fear. Some women don’t go out wearing what they want out of cultural obligations. Some women don’t get to have fun with their own girls because the situation they are in does not allow them to. So since you have this freedom as a woman, SUCK IT UP!!! Don’t wait for any man to offer you their seat. You are strong! Stand the WHOLE JOURNEY if needed!

Yes both gender are suppose to be helping each other out, but don’t be the type to wait for someone to offer you that help. HELP YOURSELF!!!  If you want to play the strong independent woman role, then play it till the scene ends. Don’t create  yourself an interval where you play weak in order for things to go your way. Don’t pick and choose honey! You wanna be a feminist, THEN FEMINIST THE HECK OUT OF LIFE!

Gender equality is yet to be reached, we all know this. So let’s not make it worse by going back on ourselves.

Let Love Go

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Have you ever been in a position where you’re the one who has to make the choice of breaking something you don’t want to? Yes? No? Well I have.

After nearly three years of being together, I have made the hardest choice ever of letting someone I truly love go. They’re right when they say ‘love is blind’, but maybe it’s more denial than being blind. Maybe, just maybe,  you refuse to realise the bad things that has been there this whole time. Maybe, just maybe, you wish this person was your one and only so you ignore all the bad for the sake of love. However, it doesn’t work that way. Well it shouldn’t anyways for your sake.

Everyone deserves love, this is true! But they deserve that type of love that you can just fully immerse yourself in and not feel a single hint of doubt. You deserve those type of love where if you’ve been hurt, you know you have someone to be there to lick all the wounds. Relationships are hard, there’s no doubt about that and ye, sometimes you just have to work through it all. But, sometimes, and these are probably just the rare ones, maybe two people were meant to fall in love but just not stay together.

Last weekend I finally had to bid my goodbyes because finally, I realise my own worth and to be in a relationship where your worth is questioned is something I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Remember, love to the fullest, but always remember that you as an individual mean something, so never let anyone enter your life and eliminate that light within you. They may love you, but if you’re being treated in a way that puts you out in the dark, then stop, breathe and slow walk away from that darkness. You deserve that light, you deserve that happiness, so don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t give you that security and warmth that we all crave.

Love takes time, so maybe isn’t now for you, but sooner or later you will find your other half of the puzzle.

Dear Customers,

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I’ll start this by saying, that no, you’re NOT always right.

So I’m a bartender in Central London. It’s a great bar, busy and some friendly people come in. But there are some who are just so down right difficult and it makes me question who raised them.

Yesterday was the most frustrating close I’ve ever had to encounter. Every bar has a system right? Like when to start packing things away, when to start cleaning, all of which leads up to closing which has a time. Our bar has three levels, the terrace, the main bar and the cellar bar. In order to maintain order, we close both the terrace and cellar bar at 10pm in order to give us time to clean it as we close the whole bar at 11pm.

We’re always busy on a Friday, both the bar and the cellar bar was packed. At 10pm I had the task to chase them all to the main bar just because its procedure; and here’s is where the drunk, obnoxious, rude and arrogant customers step in and try to disturb our process.

“Why you kicking us out so early?”- not kicking you out, just moving you all to the main bar.

“We spend money here, we give you business”- ye, that’s fair enough but what can I do but follow procedure?

“You’re only doing this so you can close early and go home”- half true, but no, its so when you all leave here, we don’t have to struggle to clean the mess you all leave behind.

I don’t know where some customers get this mentality that just because they spend money at a certain place, they think we then owe them something, apart from great customer service that is. But it’s like, come on guys, why so arrogant? What makes you think you can enforce your customer status and mistreat the workers? Don’t you feel bad about your behaviour? I tried my best being nice and just keep going, yet these people just kept putting up a fight and refusing to leave.

You know, being a decent human being is being respectful of everyone, no matter who they are, no matter their job, no matter what, it’s just respecting them for trying to do something with themselves for a living. You shouting “We’re gonna give you a bad review on YELP” just because we were trying to do our job as nice as we could (even though y’all didn’t deserve it) doesn’t help any situation.

Yes, the saying “the customer is always right” may be correct, but it doesn’t stretch that far. Sometimes you’re wrong, sometimes you have to listen, sometimes you even have to humble  yourself in order to see the person trying his best to do his job. It’s not hard to be respectful, well maybe it is in this day and age. However, just think about your actions before going through with it. We like y’all for bringing us business, but as much as we’re trying to keep a hundred other people happy, you gotta be understanding of our situation and respect out process.

Any-who, that is all I have to say. Be kind. Be Humble; but most of all, be respectful.

My Rules of Attraction

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Have you ever had a moment where you find yourself attracted to a person and then you start to question ‘why?’, but you just can’t seem to put your finger on it? Ye, me too. But then at one point it just all clicks with you.I’m gonna share it with you my top 5, from most important to least.

  1. Humour

I know to say this is a bit generic, however I don’t mean humour as in “give me as many jokes you can”, I’m talking about that intellectual humour. That humour where the wit is so good, you go back home still laughing about how clever it all was. I can’t be having any pranksters or those who try too hard for a laugh,no sirree, that’s too tiring for me. I want me some clever wit, well constructed and thought through quick, so good that it provides a laugh that puts me on pause to also enjoy that smile on your face.

2. Manners 

This actually goes hand-in-hand with humour. One thing I detest the most, is bad manners. I cringe at those who do not recognise their own behaviours and ill-manners. I’m not asking you to provide me with good manners, no! I’m asking for kindness and consideration to those around you. If you’re the type to don’t say “please” or “thank you”, then let me teach you by saying “THANK YOU for your interest, but PLEASE invest your time in learning what acceptable behaviour looks like.

3. Love for Family & Friends

I always say, the way a person treats those close to them is how they’ll treat you as a partner. This may not always be true depending on the upbringing I guess. Like, they may have really crappy parents, so it makes sense to have that statement proved otherwise. But I do find it attractive for someone to adore those close to them. To speak kindly of them, appreciate them and at the same time have me be so involved. I’m a family kind of guy, so if you have respect for these things, then hello, the church is down the road, marry me?

4. Passion

This can be for anything. I just find it amazing for someone to have something set and just fight for it. I mean, passion in the bed room yes, but I’d let you explore the whole house if you have a dream you truly love and are working towards it. You cam be passionate about making a difference in the world, you can have a passion about the arts,  you can even have a passion for collecting little collectable items to look good in your living room. If you have something you can’t wait to talk to me about just because you’re just so excited about the whole thing, then I’ll be sitting hear waiting to hear them all whilst counting the twinkles in your eyes.

5. Appreciation of Life

This one here I feel people forget to find in people. Sometimes finding a partner is all about looks, financial and social security, but we miss out on the small things that can make you both better. I die at the sound of people who just constantly complains about the small things: “my day was sh*t, the printer didn’t work… Carlos was talking about his cat again… the tube was way too busy”. These sort of people slowly kill the happiness within me. But if you get me someone who can provide enough positivity for the both of us, then hello Mr.Disney, you can run my world for me. Just think about it, a person who when you’re having a crap day, can come and just lift you up just by absorbing their aura. *inhales deeply* ahhhh.

These are the things I find attractive. It’s usually character based. Looks to me aren’t really important, they’re more of an extra bonus I guess.It’s like a book, don’t matter how pretty the front cover looks, if the story it tells is about as interesting as watching a snail cross the road, then I’m sorry, you won’t see me go pass the introduction. Superficial attraction never lasts long, but fall in love with a good story, then you’re set for life.

 

It’s the Small Things

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It’s funny how so many of us complain about the ‘bad’ things that we come across; how ‘unfair’ life has been, how nothing just seems to be going your way, how no matter how hard you try, you still don’t receive even half its reward. Ye, sure, it sucks, I myself should know because lately life hasn’t been dealing me the best of cards.

As I sit in my underwear just thinking about how my life is looking at the moment, I wonder what it would be like if ever one thing went right. Would I still be the same person? Would I be doing something different? Would I have met the people that I’ve met? And that’s when it hit me. I don’t want to regret meeting the people I have met. I don’t want to take back the fun memories I have shared with these people, the events, the laughs, the deep conversations. Who would I be without them?

Sometimes we complain about life, and sure, it’s OK to do so I guess. I mean who wants to wait six years to receive a degree he’s already finished right? Not me that’s for sure. Anyways, back to me pondering. I now am more aware of the little things that have gotten me through all these ‘trials’ as I call it. My family who for some reason I can never shake off because no matter how much I mess up, they just seem to be there loving me. My friends, who even in a different country, still manage to message and virtually slap me with some senses. The new friends, who after a small time of knowing them, have already known enough to know that they were meant to be in my journey.

My heart ache and general pain towards my life have also led me to notice the little things that makes me smile. Even with a heartbreak in the back of my mind (or heart even), I still find the elderly couple sharing funny pet videos on the train adorable. Even with struggling to find an ‘adult’ job, I’m enjoying my time as a bartender, talking to customers and just being in that social environment. Even with wishing some good news would come my way, I am enjoying this moment of my life, where I am learning more about myself and how appreciating the small things can go a long way.

So, yes, maybe you do deserve life to be kinder to you. But if you think it’s still being a bit rough on you, just think, a diamond is never at its perfect shape without some major friction; so just consider these little rough moments as life’s friction to turn you into that engagement-type-diamond where at the end, people can show you off. Just be patient, let life go through its process with you, till then, appreciate the little things. It makes the journey more bearable that way.

A Little Thing Called ‘Love’

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It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Love! No one can ever prepare you for the complexities of love. You can watch all the rom-coms in the world, sit through every drama, play and poetry that has ever spelled out love, every song that hummed its melody, but experience is something completely different.

I was always told to “always be yourself!“, “never let anyone change you“, “if your other half doesn’t love you for who you are, then they aren’t the one“. But how far do we believe that throughout a relationship a person never changes? That not once do they alter their behaviour and personality in order to please their other half? Is that even a REAL relationship? And how come there are so many things to check off on the ‘checklist list of love’.

  • Trust
  • Communication
  • Interest in each other’s interest
  • Compliments
  • Expression of Love
  • Expression of Happiness
  • Any positive expression whatsoever to confirm that your relationship was meant to be.

But then the deeper you go in, the more list you make for yourself:

  • Don’t interrupt him when his busy with work
  • Don’t swear, he doesn’t like it
  • Do tell him you’re upset if he’s stressed from work
  • Stop bringing up that guy who came and asked for his number. It was “nothing”.

Then you realise that you have made so many compromises that you no longer even recognise yourself. Your personal checklist then comes into conflict with the general checklist. Trust is no more, communication begins to decrease and all the rest that follows just seem to crumble, so you sit alone in a corner and then realise ‘maybe this was not meant to be‘ and then after a week away you decided to end it.

A new era has begun. You now have this independent mindset where you decide to finally do things for yourself from now on. You go watch that animation he didn’t want to go with you to. You went to that dance class he once pest you about because it ran on too late. You took walks on your own without having someone texting you “where the f*ck are you?”. You tell yourself that you’re enjoying your new found freedom, but then you come home. You lie on your bed and then for some reason your single bed somehow feels like a quadruple king size bed, ‘how come I have all this space to myself?‘.

Six months on your own you begin to hate doing the things you love. You wish you still had someone to go watch a movie with, to watch you dance, to take those walks with you and just talk about life. And as you think these thoughts, your ex pops up with a text saying “I miss you”, and all over it begins.

How can one really know what to do in love without hitting some bumps? But how many bumps is too much or enough to find that perfect balance? People always learn from their mistakes, this is true. But do I have to make several mistakes with different people to find the one? Or can I just make several mistakes in this one relationship till we both find that place we’ve both been craving? I myself don’t know. I mean, I’m only 23. But parts of me have grown enough to know how to deal with these questions, unfortunately my experience is different to yours, so I can’t tell you how to fix it, you’re gonna have to do that yourself. But one thing I know we must all do, is be true to your emotions, be true to yourself really. Yes change is a good thing, but not too much that you’re unrecognisable.

Funny isn’t it? This little thing called ‘Love‘!