Stupid Patriarchal Definition of Beauty

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After a long day,  I get home, log on to Facebook and the first thing I read is “27 Attractive Girls Who Became Ugly Freaks Because of Feminism” and already I’m rolling my eyes so far back that I’m pretty sure I saw the Pankhurst sisters deeply exhaling towards the ignorance.

Apparently, according to blog writer Roosh Valizadeh, feminism has supposedly ruined the structures of beauty and for some reason thinks that he holds the almighty power to define what beauty is. Now, I’m not sure if this is one of those I-write-stupid-blogs-to-seem-controversial-and-interesting or it’s genuinely a man with THE most acute way of thinking, either way this man has some serious mama issues.

So as an male feminist, I would do my role to part take in this conversation by redoing his blog in a direction that’s, shall we say, morally correct. I won’t touch on all 27 women, but I’m gonna give a general reply so he and all the other men with easily,tarnished pride can see that no one, and I mean no one, cares about how you want your women. You get what you get and if you have an issue, enjoy the right hand buddy.

New Title: Women Who Stuck it to Patriarchy With Their BS Ideologies of Beauty.

1)

This here is Leigh Alexander. She was one of the women who received harassment during the Gamergate Controversy. Apparently women in the gaming industry didn’t deserve similar respect as the men and in her criticism she saw the controversy as “the terroristic dominance of traditional appetites in what should be a diverse and creative field“. Her roundabout argument was to open gaming up to better represent women and minorities within the gaming industry. Are we really gonna judge her looks when she just dropped the mic like a BAWSS?

2)

For some reason Mr. Roosh has an issue with women with shaved heads. Let’s just say for the record, no one cares about how you grow your beard, or how long your hair is, then why do you think we would care about your opinions on how these women have theirs? Does it make you uncomfortable because you’re confused about your sexuality when you look at them? Did the whole, boys-have-short- hair and girls-have-long-hair just stumped the sexuality out of you? hm? Here’s a little tip, THEIR HAIR! THEIR BUSINESS!!!

3)

He then went on to attack this woman here because:

a) armpit hairs

b) tattoos

Then somehow linked it to Sigmund Freud’s Penis Envy theory. Well, someone must have been put on the bottle sooner than he thought. The notion of feminism is for women to be in control of their body, to let themselves be in touch with the naturalness of femininity. I’m sure there was a time where women just grew their business without any criticism. Then as time went on, for some reason men then started imposing this idea that body hair on women are just nasty and for generations we have let our women believe this. Well, it may be something different to what we’re use to, but this is a woman’s natural state, she also bleeds once a month, but hey! Who cares right? Just let her body do it’s thaing; and as for the tattoo, I will say the forehead thing is a bit much, but it’s her decision at the end of the day, so follow my lead Mr.Roosh and just shushh.

4)

Now on to the slut shaming. Don’t be misled by the title, it was obviously chosen to be ironic. The poem itself explores the title set upon women who are sexually active. God forbid a woman sleeps with more than one man by choice but lets all fist bump and high 5 the guy who intimidated a girl into sex. No biggy! Here is where I sprinkle some Lil Kim lyrics to get your mind thinking:

Here’s something I just can’t understand/ If a guy have three girls than he’s the man/ He can even give her some head, then sex her raw/ If a girl do the same than she’s a whore.- Christian Aguilera ft Lil Kim: Can’t Hold Us Down

5)

Now what comes after slut shaming? Oh of course, Body Shaming. *slow claps for the cliché*. Honestly, are we still at that point where we pretend no one has cellulite anymore? To all the women who wanna be thick-thighed, you beautiful girl, same with you girls who have good metabolism. Calvin Harris has made a song confessing his love for all The Girls and their differences; and if it’s coming from someone like him, do we really care for the irrelevant opinion of Mr. Roosh?

I’ll leave my list there. My point is, no man can tell a woman, or anyone for that matter, how they should present themselves. If you a woman who wanna represent the shaved head look, then go for it. If you a man who wanna slay in them heels, DO IT MAMA! No one here should be telling the other how they should be dressing (unless it’s your mother on a Sunday morning), so Mr. Roosh, thanks for the “Ugly Freaks” label, but conventional beauty was so pre-Madonna.

Bring It On 2017

2017

As I sit dunking coconut cookies into a nice cold glass of milk at 2am, I start to think of what about this year could I do to better myself? I have plenty of fears about 2017 and just generally being a grown up, but I feel I’m somewhat ready for it? I mean, I’m not 100% sure, but I just have a gut feeling that something about this year will change my life, well I’m hoping that it does!

I know people make resolutions every year, some they keep, some they dabble into now-and-then when they remember, so I’m gonna participate in trying this year. But I’m gonna try be as realistic as possible because a diet or joining a gym is something I know I probably won’t commit to, still, there’s no harm in trying. So, 2017, here are my top 5 promises to you:

  1. Jump More

No, not in the literal sense, but more so in the sense of going for the things I want to do but fear to do. So ‘jump more’, take more risk. Even if I fail, it won’t hurt to say that at least I’ve tried.

2. Stay Connected

This is a promise to old and new friends. That this year, I will try my best to (re)unite with you at some point and do it more often. I noticed I am surrounded by a whole bunch of beautiful people, some I’m only connected to via social media or text. Therefore it is my promise to make a more physical appearance. But it takes two to tango so please, dance with me when you can.

3. Treat Yo’self

Now this is more for me. I need to start doing things more for myself because for some reason I let guilt hold me back from doing whatever I want. So, buy that jacket I feel I don’t deserve mainly because it’s too pricey. Take more dance classes.Enhance a dormant skill. Don’t be afraid to try something different. Enjoy all the little things the world has to offer. I feel people get too busy being concerned about achieving the whole get education-get a good job-be in a relationship goals that they forget to just take time to treat themselves. It’s not selfish to make yourself happy, so here’s to hoping that it opens me up to something new that I can enjoy this year.

4. Petition against Petty & Shine light on Shade.

2016 has got my emotion doing acrobatic skills that I find myself being fabulously bitter at the world. I wasn’t raised to be self-entitled nor feel like the world owes me something, which means no more being a brat and letting the things that hurt as quick as possible. There will be no more space for pettiness and shade, just forgiveness and patience. To those who know me know that this will be hard for me, but 2017 got me feeling positive.

5.

This is left blank for now. This is for all the upcoming resolutions that will pop up during the year. For all the actions that I will take to better myself. For all the efforts I will put in for others; and for the things in the strange and beyond that is coming to change me. I am ready for it all. So 2017, BRING IT ON!!!!

I hope this year will bring something new and life changing for you all, even if it’s scary, don’t worry, we’re all probably experiencing the same sort of feeling. But for now, lets all get ready to take the plunge together. To 2017!!!!! Whooo!!!!

You Let Your Mother Sleep in the Cold

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Hello people!! Hope Christmas has treated you well and hope you’ve have all enjoyed the company and warmth that came with Christmas. However, for some, they unfortunately didn’t have the same warmth extended to them, both literal and metaphorically.

As Christmas commenced, we sat around the table with smiles and empty stomachs all ready to dig in and share stories. Empty plates became full and empty stomach slowly start to get filled. But as we sat and talked, my mother told us a story about the homeless woman she met during her last minute Christmas eve shopping.

As she was walking, a lady stopped her to ask her for money. My mom than stops and asks her “Will you be spending this money on alcohol later?”, the lady replied “No”. Turns out she just came back from her daughter’s HOUSE to give the present she had for her granddaughter, a present she used all the money she just begged for to get. Stunned by her reply, my mom then asks “how come they didn’t invite you in to spend Christmas with them?”. Saddened, the lady said that her son-in-law was not comfortable to have her in the house because of her “state” (yes, please be angry at the son-in-law with me). So with that she was let back into the cold whilst her daughter and son-in-law enjoy the joys of Christmas with their daughter.

It was here we paused, dumbfounded on how someone would let their mother roam the cold streets during Christmas simply because of her “state”. She raised that woman, she carried her for nine months, she tried her best to provide for her, but now? Now she’s pushed back out like an unwanted pet? It was just so heartbreaking.

Sometimes I feel like this western world I live in is so advanced, but then sometimes I question if moral is something that still exists? In our culture, parents are praised and highly respected, no matter how in-the-wrong they may be. Sure you can judge how that relationship works, but I can assure you never in our life would we let our mother enter a home just to go back out to being homeless. Things are different here. Yes, things are more complex. But what tells you that it was OK to let your mother continue to be homeless on a day like Christmas? Was the idea of spending money on an extra person too much for you? Like, I just don’t understand it. Is this how the west treat those who raise them? As if they’re disposable trash? Just think about that for a second. There may be family complications in the past, things might’ve happened, but it was Christmas for Pete’s sake! Even now my heart goes out for the woman who had nothing to provide something for her granddaughter. Wherever she is, may she find peace in this world, with herself and her family; and may the family that pushed her out realise their mistake and take actions immediately, because this is not the kind of world I want to be living in, where we treat our family as unwanted baggage.

Guys, love one another. Don’t let pride come between you and those you once loved. Life is too short to be treating those close to you like this.

I hope you all have a brilliant year next year, filled with love, care and peace. Stay blessed my fellow humans.

Merry belated Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Why Mo’ana should be your daughter’s feminist icon!

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YAY! After finally using my 3 year old nephew as an excuse to go watch Mo’ana, I have finally ruled Mo’ana as THE best feminist icon amongst the Princesses of Disney; and yes, your daughter should look up to her as an aspiring independent woman. “Why?” you may ask, well sit tightly because I’m about to give you at least 5 reasons on why she should be the home-girl to your children.

  1. She decides what her future holds

With her tradition and culture on the line, there were some social obligations that she had to abide to. Although these were something important, she did feel she was made for something different. So without any disrespect, she decided to pursue the dream within her. Your children were made for something great, but the word ‘great’ will mean something different for each kid. As long as they’re doing what makes them happy, they will be doing that ‘great’ thing they were made for.

2. No damsel in distress over here

Instead of the usual, prince saves princess, Mo’ana upped it a notch by saving a demi-god, A DEMI-GOD!! Like hello, who is Prince Charming even? A young girl who was off on an adventure to save her island and culture comes to meet a demi-god low in self-esteem and manages to help him realise his own potential without the acceptance from others.

3. Self-taught canoe sailor

Name me a princess that was able to find a canoe and teach herself how to sail across aggressive oceans with a confused chicken as comfort? Hmm? No one? Well there you go. Your child should be inspired by her initiative. No need for them to wait and learn something they want to learn from someone else, when they themselves can go out into the world and learn it for themselves. Life is like that, so, do it for you kids!!!

4. Never a giver upper

There was a scene where Maui, the demi-god, wanted to give up simply because his magic hook was close to being broken. As she nearly came to giving up herself, the spirit of her grandmother pushed her to continue without the help of a demi-god. A young, female human took on the challenge to fight against the demon of the earth without any help. If her perseverance doesn’t spark something in your child, then shake them a bit, maybe they’re broken.

5. ” I am Moana of Motusi. You will board my boat and restore the heart to Tafiti

Mo’ana had one job, to find Maui, get him on her boat, and save her island; OK, maybe more than one. So on the first instance of meeting Maui, she was on the ball on what she came to do. No faffing about, no distractions, she got to the point. Don’t let your daughter be the passive woman everyone expects her to be. Lets her demand what she wants and get it, within good reason of course.

So ye, these are my reasons on why she beats all the other Princesses of Disney. They’re all pretty and that, but none of them sailed across the ocean, fought coconuts, and calmed a demon all in barefoot. Take your kids to go watch it, yes, both sons and daughters, let them singalong, let them laugh but most importantly, let them board the boat of Mo’ana of Motunui and learn something about restoring their hearts.

Dear Selective Feminist…

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The other day on my commute back from work, I overheard two ladies in their mid-twenties talking about the progression of women in this day and age. So the conversation kind of went like this:

Woman 1 : Even though a lot has happened for women, I still don’t understand why we’re still considered inferior to men

Woman 2: Exactly! We’re just as strong as them. Just as smart, or even smarter

*Small Laughter*

They then continue to profess that “I am like, a big feminist”

Like.. ok then!

After a short while of talking and standing, woman 2 then starts to grow tired.

Woman 2: I can’t believe that all these men are sitting whilst women like me have to stand. It’s disgusting. What happened to being gentlemen? I missed how men treated women back in the days. They were more courteous. They were more classier too. I mean, I’m in heels, standing! And these men are just sitting down! How DISGUSTING!!!!

Throughout their rant, I did agree with their notions of gender equality. I myself consider myself a feminist. But I draw the line where people who call themselves feminist go back on themselves and pick and choose on which part of gender equality is more convenient to them. Dear female on my train, if you were well and able enough to go out in heels, get intoxicated and do all that you did, don’t ever come back and complain about “unfair” that no men offered you their seat. Since you’ve proudly announce your alliance to feminism, don’t fall back on it by complaining that your feet hurts because your heels were too high.

You as a woman have decided to wear what you wore out of choice. You have decided to go out on a night out and get drunk out of choice. You have explored all your choices as a woman in one night well enough to be able to withstand the pain of standing for a couple of stops.

No man offered you their seats, so what? You were strong enough to dance in them heels all night, suck it up!! Don’t pick and choose on when you want to be a feminist, because some women don’t have that ability. Some women are trapped at home out of fear. Some women don’t go out wearing what they want out of cultural obligations. Some women don’t get to have fun with their own girls because the situation they are in does not allow them to. So since you have this freedom as a woman, SUCK IT UP!!! Don’t wait for any man to offer you their seat. You are strong! Stand the WHOLE JOURNEY if needed!

Yes both gender are suppose to be helping each other out, but don’t be the type to wait for someone to offer you that help. HELP YOURSELF!!!  If you want to play the strong independent woman role, then play it till the scene ends. Don’t create  yourself an interval where you play weak in order for things to go your way. Don’t pick and choose honey! You wanna be a feminist, THEN FEMINIST THE HECK OUT OF LIFE!

Gender equality is yet to be reached, we all know this. So let’s not make it worse by going back on ourselves.

Let Love Go

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Have you ever been in a position where you’re the one who has to make the choice of breaking something you don’t want to? Yes? No? Well I have.

After nearly three years of being together, I have made the hardest choice ever of letting someone I truly love go. They’re right when they say ‘love is blind’, but maybe it’s more denial than being blind. Maybe, just maybe,  you refuse to realise the bad things that has been there this whole time. Maybe, just maybe, you wish this person was your one and only so you ignore all the bad for the sake of love. However, it doesn’t work that way. Well it shouldn’t anyways for your sake.

Everyone deserves love, this is true! But they deserve that type of love that you can just fully immerse yourself in and not feel a single hint of doubt. You deserve those type of love where if you’ve been hurt, you know you have someone to be there to lick all the wounds. Relationships are hard, there’s no doubt about that and ye, sometimes you just have to work through it all. But, sometimes, and these are probably just the rare ones, maybe two people were meant to fall in love but just not stay together.

Last weekend I finally had to bid my goodbyes because finally, I realise my own worth and to be in a relationship where your worth is questioned is something I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Remember, love to the fullest, but always remember that you as an individual mean something, so never let anyone enter your life and eliminate that light within you. They may love you, but if you’re being treated in a way that puts you out in the dark, then stop, breathe and slow walk away from that darkness. You deserve that light, you deserve that happiness, so don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t give you that security and warmth that we all crave.

Love takes time, so maybe isn’t now for you, but sooner or later you will find your other half of the puzzle.

Dear Customers,

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I’ll start this by saying, that no, you’re NOT always right.

So I’m a bartender in Central London. It’s a great bar, busy and some friendly people come in. But there are some who are just so down right difficult and it makes me question who raised them.

Yesterday was the most frustrating close I’ve ever had to encounter. Every bar has a system right? Like when to start packing things away, when to start cleaning, all of which leads up to closing which has a time. Our bar has three levels, the terrace, the main bar and the cellar bar. In order to maintain order, we close both the terrace and cellar bar at 10pm in order to give us time to clean it as we close the whole bar at 11pm.

We’re always busy on a Friday, both the bar and the cellar bar was packed. At 10pm I had the task to chase them all to the main bar just because its procedure; and here’s is where the drunk, obnoxious, rude and arrogant customers step in and try to disturb our process.

“Why you kicking us out so early?”- not kicking you out, just moving you all to the main bar.

“We spend money here, we give you business”- ye, that’s fair enough but what can I do but follow procedure?

“You’re only doing this so you can close early and go home”- half true, but no, its so when you all leave here, we don’t have to struggle to clean the mess you all leave behind.

I don’t know where some customers get this mentality that just because they spend money at a certain place, they think we then owe them something, apart from great customer service that is. But it’s like, come on guys, why so arrogant? What makes you think you can enforce your customer status and mistreat the workers? Don’t you feel bad about your behaviour? I tried my best being nice and just keep going, yet these people just kept putting up a fight and refusing to leave.

You know, being a decent human being is being respectful of everyone, no matter who they are, no matter their job, no matter what, it’s just respecting them for trying to do something with themselves for a living. You shouting “We’re gonna give you a bad review on YELP” just because we were trying to do our job as nice as we could (even though y’all didn’t deserve it) doesn’t help any situation.

Yes, the saying “the customer is always right” may be correct, but it doesn’t stretch that far. Sometimes you’re wrong, sometimes you have to listen, sometimes you even have to humble  yourself in order to see the person trying his best to do his job. It’s not hard to be respectful, well maybe it is in this day and age. However, just think about your actions before going through with it. We like y’all for bringing us business, but as much as we’re trying to keep a hundred other people happy, you gotta be understanding of our situation and respect out process.

Any-who, that is all I have to say. Be kind. Be Humble; but most of all, be respectful.